Paranoia
by focusly
Summary: post-The Hunt, everything seems to have affected Dot more than she'd like to admit. Warning: extremely angsty


Disclaimer: I don't own nuttin'.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dot hated the image staring back at her, almost as if to mock her now wreck of a life. How could this person change into something so familiar to a hideous beast, not caring for anyone's feelings?  
  
She lowered her head and closed her eyes in anguish. Why did they do it? Anger rose up in her as she thought of everything they said. Those words that never seemed to bother her until now, piercing her soul with the simple truth. Her knuckles grew pale as their image came before her, no matter how much she tried to block it out. She hated how she had taken the brunt of all their actions; yes, the others were affected deeply also but they would heal in time. She would live with it forever.  
  
A single drop formed in the creases of her eyes now squeezed shut in agony. Clenching her teeth she did the most rational thing she could think of and drove her fist straight into the mirror.  
  
Mouse swaggered into the diner, hoping that Dot would be able to stop Cecil from getting on her back this time. Noticing that he was busy with a customer she quickly seized the opportunity to join the green sprite at the bar.  
  
"Hey sug," Mouse slapped Dot on her back, a little too hard for Dot's tastes. "Where is everyone?"  
  
Dot refused to lift her eyes off the smooth surface in front of them and spoke in a hushed tone. "Enzo's at school and Bob is at the Principle Office - "  
  
"Dot, I'm disappointed in you. You of all people should be able to keep our favorite guardian in one place." The small woman flushed deeply at Mouse's sly grin and instinctively reached up to tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear out of embarrassment.  
  
"Dot - what's this?" She grabbed her hand before she could protest. "You're hurt. Who did this to you?" Her orange eyebrows creased in fury as her voice started to rise.  
  
"Mouse! Keep your voice down will you? Nobody did anything to me. It was - an accident." She settled her eyes back on the counter as if to draw support from her reflection.  
  
"Honey," The hacker started in a much gentler tone, "I haven't known you for long. Heck, I've only been with you for what? An hour or so? But I've been through enough with ya to know when you're hiding something." she paused, as if waiting for Dot to say something.  
  
"Now," she continued, "I know you're probably not going to tell me right this instant what's on your mind, and I don't blame you. But do me a favor." Mouse put her worn and weathered hand on the other woman's shoulder, noting the soft contrast of colors. "Please, go to someone who you can."  
  
Dot lifted her tiny head, revealing her glazed eyes, and nodded. Stumbling out of her seat, she reluctantly walked out the doors into the open air.  
  
  
  
After being in a wait-state for what seemed like ages, Bob's patience finally paid off. He got worried when he saw Dot walk into the Principle Office looking like something Skuzzy would drag in, and even more worried when he noticed her sloppily-bandaged hand. He followed her until she got to Phong's office, where he presumed she was getting some of his "advice". He quickly walked up to her as she finally emerged.  
  
"Hey Dot," he spoke, trying to get in pace with her. "You ok?"  
  
"I'm fine Bob." She replied distantly, not even seeming to acknowledge his presence.  
  
"You sure? You don't look too good." He knew whatever she lied her sweaty, mussed up hair and bloodshot eyes would disprove them.  
  
"Look, if it's about the whole Megabyte thing - "  
  
"What about him?" she cut in sharply before she could stop herself.  
  
"Hey," he put his hands up in defense, "don't hurt me! I'm the one you love, remember? At least that's what they tell me." He grinned dorkily at her.  
  
Dot longed to embrace the warmth of his smile but at the same time it only helped to further spread the pain throughout her body. "Sorry Bob. Didn't mean to lash out at you like that."  
  
"Don't worry about it. All of us have forgiven you - now it's time to forgive yourself." He carelessly slung an arm over her shoulder.  
  
"And you say I spend too much time at the PO with Phong?" She couldn't help but let her lips twitch upward at their jaunting each other, despite the fact she could feel nothing from his embrace.  
  
"Come on," he steered her towards the door. "Let me take you home. I bet Enzo's going crazy over you." Dot silently cursed the voices in her head and tried to bring herself at ease with thoughts about what was to come.  
  
  
  
Her eyes felt heavy, as if someone intentionally wanted them to stay shut. She opened them with great effort, taking in the surrealistic atmosphere. She sat up and giggled at the sight of Bob's slender body curled up next to her.  
  
It seemed to glow with the sky's luminescence through the balcony window.  
  
The window...somehow it had gained the center of her attention now. Peeling back the sheets she gave little notice to the stifling heat as she crossed the room.  
  
She closed her eyes briefly when she got to her destination and let the moonlight wash over her body, caressing every feature. Realizing she had let her nimble fingers touch the window's surface she slid them down to the latch and grabbed hold of it firmly.  
  
A sliver of doubt seemed to work it's way into her conscience, then blinked out of existence. With a new resolve she lifted the latch and pushed the window open.  
  
The first thing she noticed was the cool, dry air around her that seemed to soother her, if only a little bit. She walked over to the rail to admire the sleepy sector below, with only a few lights on in the night's wake.  
  
"It's beautiful isn't it." She took a breath, recognizing the voice but choosing not to acknowledge it.  
  
"My city; or rather, our city. All the oblivious little binomes so full of love and cheer."  
  
"Shut up." she rasped.  
  
"Miss Matrix?" The dark figure turned to her.  
  
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Clenching her fists in anger she spun on her heel to face the monster. "This is my life you've destroyed! Why can't you just leave me alone! Why can't I - why can't -" By this time Dot had rammed her fists into her eyes as her tears made their own tracks down her cheek.  
  
He observed her for a few nanos before speaking in a smooth voice he knew was driving her random.  
  
"It hurts, doesn't it."  
  
She nodded, almost in the same rhythm as the sobs racking her frame.  
  
Then end it now." The tiny woman removed her hands from her face to look at the thing incredulously.  
  
"But - Bob and I - we can still settle everything. I mean, there are a few things we still need to work out but we can still have our happy ending. And Enzo, I'll always support him - "  
  
"No! Ms. Matrix, this is not a fairy tale. Don't you see? Bob doesn't love you and everyone's grown independent of you during Megaframe. There will be no happy ending."  
  
"But Bob said -"  
  
"He lied."  
  
She turned back to the rail, trying to think things over while relishing the feeling of the wind blowing her hair. "There's nothing for me here." Dot finally mumbled to herself.  
  
"Except pain and suffering. Admit it. With all the trouble you caused everyone they deserve someone better."  
  
"Yes." she replied, again to herself.  
  
"You going to do it? Or are you going to chicken out and live in misery?" But she had already begun climbing outside of the metal meshwork.  
  
"I'm scared."  
  
"Shh. It's ok. Look down, Dot. That's your city, your home system. If there's anything you can gain from this life, it's that you died here. You sacrificed yourself for everyone's good."  
  
And with that, her sub-conscience pushed her off the edge, smiling a smile that replicated Dot's very own, before vanishing in the midst of her scream.  
  
  
  
  
  
Note: I do not condone suicide in any, way, shape, or form. I just did it for the shock factor (especially if you know how much of a Dot fanatic I am) 


End file.
